Last night, during the presidential debate, a friend of mine, a counselor, posted on Facebook “Chris Wallace is like a counseling intern who can’t get control over a couples counseling session.” At first, I laughed. But my laughter faded when I remembered that it is strongly recommended not to attend couples counseling with an abusive partner. One reason is that counseling is successful only when both partners are participating in good faith and willing to take responsibility for their part, and abusers aren’t – they see counseling as another opportunity for power and control. Another reason is that couples counselors are trained not to take sides – and in the case of abuse, remaining neutral leaves the victim feeling gaslit and partially responsible for his/her own abuse.
Donald Trump is the abusive partner in this metaphor. His behavior during last night’s debate had all the hallmarks – grandiosity, victimhood, control, lies, contempt, cruelty. His “stand by” order to the white supremacist group Proud Boys was a threat, meant to induce fear and exert power and control over Black Americans. To put a moderator and a set of mutually agreed-upon rules in front of a man like that is like shooting BBs at an oncoming train. Trump wasn’t there last night to have a healthy debate in service to democracy. He was there to exert more power and control, to continue his abuse of America.
Many have criticized Chris Wallace, myself included. He had a responsibility to moderate the debate, and he could have taken more forceful steps to keep things orderly. He needed to take sides. But would it have been effective? Could Mr. Wallace have done anything to turn Trump into a reasonable, decent human being and leader acting in good faith? I think the answer is no. We were asking Mr. Wallace to take the role of managing a relationship problem, while Trump’s pathologies are a characterological problem.
Fortunately, America is not a marriage, and we have the power to rid ourselves of this disgraceful president this November. It is time for the abuse, the gaslighting, the corruption, and the white supremacy to end.
Vote on November 3, 2020.